(WCCO) What can a marshmallow tell you about your kids? You might be surprised. Psychologists at Stanford University found that kids who were able to hold off eating a marshmallow did better in school and in life. Dr. David Walsh is a big fan of the original marshmallow test research, and wrote about it in his book, No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It. "The genius of the experiment was that they followed those children for 18 years," he said. "The ability to wait for the second marshmallow was an amazingly strong predictor of their success in school, their adjustment, their happiness, even their popularity." Walsh agreed to help us stage our own marshmallow test at the Edina Family Center.
He tried to explain the premise to three-year-old Wally, one of our young participants. "You can either eat this marshmallow now…" he started. "I'm gonna eat that marshmallow now," interrupted Wally. "Wait," Walsh said. "Let me tell you what the deal is. You can either eat it now, or wait until we come back and you'll get two." "I want two!" said Wally.
Walsh said he was going on an errand with the children's parents. In reality, they were going to the next room to watch the children on a closed-circuit video connection. The children had to hold out 15 minutes before getting a second marshmallow.
So, what does it mean if a child eats the marshmallow? "We're not predicting that any of these kids are going to be either good at self-discipline or not," Walsh said. "What we really want to do is help parents try to figure out how we can we help our kids develop more self-discipline, because we do know that, from a ton of research, that that is a key success factor for kids: The ability to say no to themselves."
Wally's big sister, Lee Lee, was determined to get a second marshmallow. In a room with few distractions, she waited. And waited. And waited. "I'm surprised she's lasted this long. It's coming up on dinnertime," said Lee Lee's mom, Michael Hlavac. Around the 10-minute mark, Lee Lee leaned in and took a big whiff of the marshmallow, but she didn't eat it. "I smelled the marshmallow, I thought I would eat it, but I didn't," said Lee Lee. "Should I give you another marshmallow?" Walsh asked, as he and Lee Lee's Mom returned to the room. "Yeah!" Lee Lee answered. Walsh handed her a marshmallow and said, "Absolutely, 'cause that was the deal."
However, not everyone could last the whole 15 minutes. Of the 11 kids who took part, four ate the marshmallow within the first minute. Among them was 3-and-a-half-year old Casey. Immediately after Walsh finished explaining the scenario, Casey informed him of his plan. "I'm gonna eat one, OK?" he said. "You can do whatever you want," Walsh answered. And Casey did just that. Eleven seconds after Walsh left the room, the marshmallow was history.
Then it was time for his twin brother, Nathan, to give it a shot. For 15 minutes he touched, licked and even held the marshmallow inside his mouth, but he didn't exactly eat it. The grown-ups in the next room laughed and joked about the definition of "eat." Despite getting a good taste of the treat, Nathan earned his second marshmallow. Although it's tempting to simply focus on the children's responses to the marshmallow, that's not what the study is about. Instead, the marshmallow test is about kids developing self discipline. Walsh said it's a task children "outsource" to Mom and Dad. "It's the kid's job to push against the limits," Walsh said. "And it's our job to set the limits." It's also a parent's job to be consistent, he added, if the child is going to learn the intended lesson. "If I say, 'No, you can't have the candy bar,' and then 10 seconds later I'm giving them the candy bar, what they're learning is that 'No' doesn't mean 'No.' 'No' just means escalate, and I'll get what I want," Walsh explained. The concept is simple, but it's not easy. "Prior generations had a culture that supported the message of 'No,'" Walsh said. "What's difficult today is that we have a culture that undermines the message. We have a culture that says, 'More, fast, easy, fun." In other words, today's culture says, "Eat the marshmallow." "A short term relief of giving kids what that want, we pay a long term price for that," Walsh said. "We all know that life does deal challenge, frustration and disappointment," he explained. "We want kids to be able to handle that. How would they be able to handle that if they don't get practice?" So, what's the moral of the story, according to Walsh? In the marshmallow test, and in life, good things come to those who can wait. Walsh has launched a movement called, "Say Yes to No." It's all about saying, "No," to your children and teaching them to say, "No," to themselves. Of course, it's just as important to catch your children doing the right thing. To see more footage from some of the Marshmallow Test, click on the links below:
Ramsay's Marshmallow Test
Casey's Marshmallow Test
Miles' Marshmallow Test
Zayla's Marshmallow Test
Ryan's Marshmallow Test
Macy's Marshmallow Test
Lee Lee's Marshmallow Test
Interesting.
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