YO Spencer - And Spence for ONCE gives good advice!

My friends and I never spent much time talking about politics before this election. They're all liberal, and, since we hadn't really discussed it, they assume that I am too. I'm not—I'm a Republican. I've let them think I'm a Democrat for so long, it feels weird to correct them now. Should I say something?


If you want relationships with your friends to stay normal, be cautious about talking religion or politics. I don't ever get into that shit with people—fuck that. I'll talk about sports or movies. Keep it to yourself or you're gonna piss off everyone. If you really strongly believe these points and they don't accept you, then maybe you're not supposed to be friends. Join up your local young Republican club, 'cause your clique ain't your clique.

YO Spencer!

YO SPENCER! I have a friend who is really overweight but still eats an exorbitant amount. I want to say something, because I think she's ruining her health. What can I do or say to her without hurting her already bruised and fragile self-esteem?


Maybe she wants to be that size. You can't bother someone about their weight if they don't ask your opinion. If you need a tractor to move her then it may be time to say something and get her a nutritionist.

YO Spencer!

YO SPENCER! I am a military wife with a problem. While my husband has been deployed overseas for 7 months, I have gotten very close to another wife whose husband is also overseas. I have never been interested in women before but we both are getting very comfortable with the idea of being together. Now we are unsure whether to resist the impulse in order to preserve our marriages or continue with our possible relationship and keep it from our husbands. Please help me with this unexpected turn in my life. Do I ignore my feelings or stick to being the faithful housewife waiting for my husband to return?


Never ignore your true feelings. Just because you don't tell him that you're really in LOVE with another woman does not then make you a faithful housewife. By not telling him how you feel you are being unfaithful. You should tell him that you want to see him AND the woman. Maybe see if he's cool with bringing her into the mix occasionally.

Another PRICELESS edition of YO SPENCER!

YO SPENCER! I met this guy at a bar last week who's sort of a minor celebrity. He's pretty good looking and he was nice enough, but he wasn't my usual type, and if he hadn't been famous I wouldn't have given him the time of day. I ended up going home with him and haven't seen him since. I've been feeling really bad since: I'm a star-fucker! How can I stop feeling so shallow?

Don't be hard on yourself. Sleeping with minor celebrities is a career for a lot of women in Hollywood. Next time just aim for an A-list actor who's in the spotlight.

YO Spencer!

YO SPENCER! I'm gay but I hang out with a bunch of straight guys all the time. A few nights ago, I hooked up with one of them; he then told all his friends that it had never happened and I made it up. I don't want to embarrass this guy, but I'm not a liar. What do I do?


Next time you go out and party with this friend, make sure you bring your digital camera. When you start making out, take a photo and threaten to put it on Facebook if he keeps lying to your friends. In this day and age, you need evidence to prove your case.



Why does this guy care if people believe him and why is he telling people? Thats not so cool to kiss and tell.

YO SPENCER!!

YO SPENCER! After college, my group of friends split evenly between NYC and L.A. Every couple of months someone flies cross country to party in the opposite coast. The thing is, with three of my good friends living in L.A., we can only have two NYC guys come at a time. Five guys is the limit! You can't fit more than five in one car, and you can't roll in anywhere with more than five guys holding your hand. It's just not happening. So how do you tell the other guys in New York that you are taking a trip out west and they can't come without having to deal with any BS from them?

You tell them that no hot club in L.A. is going to let two dudes in—let alone four or five—so you need to rotate trips to L.A. unless you don't mind partying at the non-exclusive clubs. Or tell them that they need to come with cash to offer the promoter or door person. If I was bouncing the door at a hot spot, five dudes would cost at least $500 dollars. So if they're cool with bringing loot, problem solved. With enough money you can roll five dudes deep pretty much anywhere.

And with this Q & A - YO SPENCER jumps the shark!!

How long do you have to date someone before it's appropriate to bring up the possibility of anal sex?

If you're dating a guy, right away. If you're dating girl, I think you'll know pretty quick if she's into that. If they're not bringing it up, it's not something on their agenda. That's just realistic. My boxing coach Dirty Phi says, "If you stick your pinkie in there, and then another finger, and then another, and she responds happily, then it's cool."

YO SPENCER!!

YO SPENCER! Me and my lady have been together for two years and I just found out that she cheated on me. I'm hella mad, but she doesn't know that I've stepped out on her a few times too, so I feel like we're even. Should we break up?

I hate cheaters. I'm not a cheater. If you two are cheating on each other, you're obviously not in love—it's time for you to move on and stop wasting each other's time. Or at least have an open relationship. Bottom line: If my girlfriend cheated on me it would be done that moment. No second chances. Unacceptable. Too many fish in the sea.

YO SPENCER!!

YO SPENCER! I've started seeing this guy, but I want to take it slow. I've gotten burned in the past. He says he's okay with it, but I'm starting to feel like he's losing interest. Are guys really willing to wait?

Sadly, most guys are dicks and are looking to get laid. You may be the lucky girl that found Mr. Romeo, but not likely. Sorry. I would advise that unless you're a born-again virgin who wants to keep it that way, give the guy what he's been waiting for. If he deserves it. If you're not ready, you're not ready. No guy should make you feel obligated to have sex with him.

YO SPENCER!!

YO SPENCER! I'm 24 and after months of threatening, my parents finally cut me off. Do you have any suggestions on how I should budget myself so I can keep living large without going broke?

Just keep up appearances. Buy knock-off designer threads, fake ice, go to expensive restaurants, and order only soup and a cranberry juice. Don't buy girls drinks unless it's a special case. Or just get a rich girlfriend. Nobody says there's anything wrong with a sugar momma if you treat her right.